Gratitude
Posted by Aimee Bruner on Aug 07, 2011
Gratitude
I'm a big sister. For the first decade of my life, I spent most of my time carting my little sister, Andrea, around as if she was my doll. She came everywhere with me - like my shadow. We were the best of friends who fought like only two sisters could. When we were teenagers I became the protective older sister (I may have also been a bit bossy from time to time). I spent our entire teenage years worrying and looking out for her. As we entered university, I did everything in my power to protect and take care of her. She didn't need me to do it but I needed to do it for myself. When I was 32, I became a mother for the first time. My sister, who always tried everything first, already had an exquisite little girl named Gracie. Like all new parents, Mishi and I were like overtired deer caught in headlights for the first few weeks (who are we kidding, months) of Stella's life. I remember on day 3, looking a Mishi and saying "how the hell are we supposed to function on such little sleep and remember to do all of the things parents are supposed to do at the same time when we can't even find time to take a shower?!" Just then, my front door swung open and my sister blew through it like she owned the place. She unloaded a new, deluxe, bottle sterilizer and a case of formula that you didn't need to add any water to. She set it up and said "here, start using this." It occurred to me right then and there, that my little sister was now taking care of me.
She is my hero. I've looked up to her for as long as I can remember and she's taught me more about strength, determination and humanity than I could have ever learned on my own. From the moment Stella entered the hospital, back when we thought we might be dealing with an ear infection or some other trivial thing, Andrea was there. Not realizing the fate that lay ahead of us on that June 24th afternoon, I tried to convince Andrea not to come all the way to Sick Kids because we'd likely be out in an hour or so. She said "Aim, I'm coming. I just want to give Stella a kiss." She arrived 45 minutes later and she never left. It's been about 6 weeks since that day my entire world fell apart and she's been at my side ever since. She's created a specific care plan in her head for Stella, Mishi and for me and she works away at it every day. The first and last phone calls I get each day are from her. She shows up at our house and always asks us what we need. I often find her emptying the dishwasher, organizing the recycling or tidying the house. All she has to do is look in my eyes or read the energy in the room and she knows what to do. Sometimes it's taking Stella out so that Mishi and I can sleep or have a good cry or sometimes it's reading the tone of my voice over the phone and then calling one of our friends who lives close by to come over to make sure we're ok. She gives me back rubs, buys groceries and brings us dinner. After suffering through a horrible migraine and a really bad back this weekend, Andrea still came up to the cottage when she should have been in bed. I know why she came. She wanted to be there to wake up at 6:00am so that she could help out with Stella in the mornings, she wanted to be there to make sure that Mishi and I were ok and she wanted to be there to hold Stella - and she did. Those of you who know my sister, know that her tough exterior is no match for her huge heart and her innate nurturing ability. She is my best friend and I would never get through life or this horrible reality without her.
Mishi is lucky enough to have an older sister, Heather, who is equally as nurturing and who's incredible strength and courage is undeniable. Every morning sometime between 5:00am - 5:45am, Stella wakes up and calls for her mommies. Mishi and I take turns getting up with her while the other one sleeps in. Without fail, every single day of the week, one of us will stumble into the kitchen to turn on the light and get Stella's bottle ready only to find Stella's Auntie Heather sitting on our couch. She comes over before we wake up so that she can keep whoever is up with Stella company or to take Stella so that we can go back to bed. Heather hasn't slept past 5:00am for over 6 weeks. As the apple of Stella's eye, Heather never fails to bring a smile to her face. She comes over to visit multiple times a day and ignites sheer joy in Stella as she walks up our front steps while Stella shrieks at her through the window. Heather is always there right when we need her. Just when we couldn't imagine how to get through the next minute, Heather calls and says I'll be there in 10 minutes to take Stella swimming. Without her, running our household, taking showers, eating, making dinner and sleeping would not always be possible. Heather also has the incredible ability of knowing just how to take care of Mishi. She can make her laugh at the drop of a hat and she works so hard to make it possible for Mishi to take time for herself. I can call her in an instant and she'll be there to hold Mishi's hand, cry with her or hug her while she's sleeping. The worry that I have for both my wife and my daughter sometimes consumes me but when Heather is around, it's like a weight has been lifted off my chest.
The friendship that Mishi and Heather share is like no other. They've always been there for each other and their bond couldn't be stronger. I've always admired Heather for the human being that she is but now, through all of this, I've never felt more lucky to have her in my life. The incredible toll that Stella's diagnosis has taken on both of our sisters is immeasurable but each day, they put on their armour and go to war for us. Mishi and I will never have the words to express how eternally grateful we are for the love and support of our sisters but I can assure you, we would not be the people we are without them.
Thank you Andrea and Heather for holding us up and helping us get through each day.
Comments (10)
K Speedie:
Aug 12, 2011 at 06:16 PM
I remember you two as children.I am stunned to hear that you are facing the loss of your child, Aimee. I am thinking of you.
Sue:
Aug 12, 2011 at 03:29 PM
Aimee,
Both of you have a family to die for. Stella knows no pain, and only love. Your "sisters" are your back bone and understand you both as if they are in your bodies. They know what you need and when you need it. Just do what they want and do what they say, don't be afraid, and cherish this circle, right now they are your earth angels and will keep you safe. Your blogs make me cry, sad tears and happy tears, because you both truly are an inspiration and I can feel the pain and anguish. God only gives one what he knows one can handle, and you two are just that. Your daughter will be the happiest toddler in heaven. I also thank you for making me stop and realize how much I love and cherish my two children, and the bond in which they share. I will pray for you often.
Ronni Gorman:
Aug 08, 2011 at 11:57 PM
Aimee & Mishi,
As a friend and colleague of Andrea's for quite a few years now, I have found myself thinking about the 2 of you, Stella, and your entire family daily for the past 6 weeks.
Every post on this site is beautiful. Every picture and every moment together - exquisite.
Whenever I come to check in I always find myself trying to find the words to let you all know how profoundly moved I am by your strength in these devastating circumstances. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through and I sincerely wish that you didn't have to face this. Despite not actually knowing you other than in passing, I have the greatest respect in the world for you both and your family. I am moved by everything that you have always done and continue to do with Stella and everything that you all do as an extended family unit.
Knowing what a beautiful, caring and fiercely committed person Andrea is when it comes to those she cares about ~ I am positive Aimee that you may be blessed to have the greatest sister in the world. She is absolutely one of the most wonderful and thoughtful people that I have ever known. Based on this post, Mishi you are equally blessed as Heather sounds just as amazing!
I hope that you continue to take strength from one another and continue to enjoy every moment together. If there is absolutely anything that I could every do at any point to support your family, please let me know without hesitation. You are regularly in my thoughts and I wish you many more days together.
Ronni
Sara Furnival:
Aug 08, 2011 at 11:18 PM
Dear Aimee, Michelle and Stella,
I visited your site for the first time on Saturday night and have not stopped thinking about you since. My heart aches for you so deeply it hurts over and over. Something truly remarkable has happened, though, since reading your posts and something that I want to thank you all for, especially your dear little Stella. I want to thank you for reminding me, all of us, to love more deeply, to show that love more openly, to live in the moment and savour the small wonders of our children. I have a 2 year old, too, and they are truly amazing, but many things are easy to miss in the rush of our lives. For the past few days, though, your words of immense pain and love and gratitude have traveled with me and caused a contagious need to live more deeply in the small moments of life as if they are not for always. The love posted all over these pages is spilling over and we all have you to thank.
My heart is with you.
Sara Furnival
Natasha:
Aug 08, 2011 at 10:31 PM
I always knew you both had amazing sisters, but never more so than recently. People talk about the bond between sisters, but I don't think everyone always gets it. In the time I spent with you guys after Stella's diagnosis, I would look at Heather and Andrea, and think "This is it. This is what it means to be a sister." They were amazing and so full of love and support it was truly a heart touching thing to witness.
Dwight Ferguson:
Aug 08, 2011 at 02:21 PM
Aim & Mishi
I don't know where to start. Having 2 older sisters, I know what it means to have someone there for you when you really need someone. They were, and still are, always there for me when I need someone to talk to or to lean on when I need support. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for them and I know it is the same for them. When I met Andrea, it was like I had a younger sister that I always wanted. She put on this toughgirl front, but I had no problem seeing through it. Her and I became friends immediately and we have always been there for each other. She brought me into your family and made me feel like I was a part of it. You too made me feel the same way.
We were rarely out of each others site during the first year we knew each other. We seemed to know when something was wrong even if we weren't with each other. One of us would pick up the phone and call, or stop in to see what was going on. The bond we have built will last forever.
When I met you Aimee, I felt the same for you as I did Andrea. Your nurturing side was working overtime, and we would sit in that chair-and-1/2 at your moms, discussing ways of keeping Ang out of trouble. You too made me feel like I was a part of your family and I cannot tell you how much I like seeing your smile ..and the hugs of course. I always felt that I could call you if I needed someone to talk to.
I will never forget the first time I met Stella. We were at your moms and Stella came running up to me with a great big smile and all those red curls. She wanted me to pick her up and I let her play with my goatee and hair. The whole time she was smiling.
When Andrea called me a couple weeks ago, I knew immediately that something was wrong. When she told me I of course wanted to know what I could do to help. Andrea stopped by just for a hug. My nursing/nuturing side kicked in, as it always does for Andrea, and I told her I would do whatever I could to help you and Mishi and Stella.
Please don't hesitate to lean on me when you need to.
Love always,
Dwight
Ann:
Aug 08, 2011 at 09:23 AM
Wow, I've never wanted a sister until reading this post. So glad you both have such a strong support network. It's really incredible and reading about both of your sisters brought tears to my eyes, but this time tears of happiness to know you're being so well taken care of, which helps you to take care of little Stella. Hugs to all.
Lisa Burt:
Aug 07, 2011 at 10:03 PM
Aimee
OMG, I am SO sorry and I am sure you have heard all this but I cant stop thinking about your whole family since I found out yesterday when I checked my facebook and saw the story on Global through a link of Emily's. HUGE HUGS SENT YOUR WAY and please be reminded how many people love and care for you in the hardest times. Love Lisa
Deborah, Rachel and Roger:
Aug 07, 2011 at 09:22 PM
The thing I like about Andrea is her mischievous side - the very first time I met her she enlisted me in a fun party prank... I think she knows something of the universe that the rest of us don't know... Heather, she is the mother and sister and aunt we all wish to have... your lives are so filled with love - we are so privileged to be part of it. We have been there with you through the joys and stand beside you in the sorrows. Love and light, Deb
Sara Robinson:
Aug 07, 2011 at 06:48 PM
Aimee,
Both you and Michelle are very lucky to have such great sisters. As Stella is equally as lucky to have such great aunts. Your family bond will give you much comfort through this terrible time. Thinking of you guys everyday.
Love The Robinsons
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