Strength
Posted by Aimee Bruner on Aug 18, 2011
Strength
True strength is holding your head up while you watch your child lose their child.
It's driving to the hospital in the middle of the night after learning that your granddaughter's MRI showed a tumour on the brain stem, it's picking yourself up after falling so hard running from your car in the parking lot that you split your lip. It's holding a cold cloth on your daughter's head while listening to a team of doctors say that her child's tumour is not benign. True strength is taking your first born to a funeral home to plan her daughter's funeral and it's proudly marching around your office introducing your granddaughter to everyone you work with while fighting back tears.
True strength is showing up at the hospital at 3:00am to let your shock stricken daughter rest her foot on your knee. It's devoting all of your time to making your granddaughter laugh even though every cackle breaks your heart. It's blowing raspberries in her face and bouncing her on your knee. True strength is spending hours sitting in a parked motor boat at the cottage while your granddaughter sits at the wheel pretending to drive. It's taking her for ice cream and watching it drip from the cone to her hand and onto your foot. True strength is dancing around like a yahoo because you know that your granddaughter will laugh her head off. It's letting her feed you and actually eating a soggy carrot that's already been in her mouth.
True strength is showing up at the hospital with bags of gourmet food in order to feed your family while consumed by your own sadness. It's waking up every morning at the cottage at 5:00am just to spend time with your granddaughter. It's sitting on the deck with her for hours at a time. It's bringing her a bumble bee tutu with matching sunglasses. True strength is rubbing your daughters shoulders when her body is feeling the impact of this reality. True strength is leaving the office in the middle of the work day just to come and hug your granddaughter even though you're doing it with a broken heart. It's calling every day just to say you miss us.
True strength is standing in the doorway of a hospital room watching as 10 medical staff work on your daughter who's on the floor just after fainting for the second time from the shock of learning what is happening in her baby girl's little body. It's never leaving the hospital and bringing Tim Bits to anyone who'll eat them. True strength is waking up at 5:00am every morning to sit with whoever's turn it is to get up with Stella. It's making tea and toast for your daughter who's having trouble keeping food down. It's taking your granddaughter for a hamburger no matter what time of day. True strength is showing up every day with a new idea for a fun activity to help your daughter and her daughter pass the time. It's driving around for hours as the curly haired clone of your youngest daughter sleeps in the back seat. True strength is building a room in the basement so that your daughters friends can move in when your granddaughter starts to lose the functions that she needs to live. True strength is always being there.
True strength is setting the table each morning in preparation for the daily ice cream breakfast with your granddaughter, just because she loves it. It's making sure that she always has blankets that are big enough and warm enough for her. It's buying her purple crocs because you know that she loves them. True strength is planning a trip to Sesame Street Land, knowing that it will likely be the last trip you take with her. It's visiting her house even though it breaks your heart. True strength is taking your 15 year old son to the hospital so that he can learn that his niece - the love of his life, has a tumour that will soon take her life. It's figuring out how to best support your child as she stands to lose her own child.
True strength is doing everything in your power to try and find little things that make Stella happy - because that's what's important. It's looking all over your house for an old portable phone so that she can make all the pretend calls she wants. It's reading her books and bringing her special crackers to snack on because they're her favourite. True strength is putting aside your grief just to make her laugh.
Grandparents are true strength. Stella's life has been filled with the incredible love that only a grandparent can share with a child. All of her grandparent's have been the pillars of her world and I will be forever grateful for the role they have played in her life as well as in ours.
Comments (12)
Emma Wain:
Aug 28, 2011 at 04:15 PM
Wow Aimee, and true strength is to be going through this journey, such as you are, and able to be look at it from someone else's perspective- you're an amazing woman. Always have been, ever since I met you in grade 9, always have loved you even though haven't seen you in years :) What a beautiful gift you've been given in your lovely daughter and her beautiful spirit. An excrutiating time for you and your family, but also so many amazing moments that you are creating each day for your daughter and for your family. Beautiful. Will be continuing to be thinking of you all, xo Emma
John Harlow:
Aug 23, 2011 at 12:48 PM
Aims,
A day doesn't go by that you, Michi, and Stella aren't on my mind. Though i have not had the pleasure of meeting your amazing little family, I am sure they only reflect the tremendous character you posses. Reading through your posts has moved me beyond words. You are surrounded by amazing people, and surely you will find the strength to make it through this ordeal. Sending nothing but love and good thoughts to you and your family.
Julie:
Aug 22, 2011 at 02:45 PM
Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength.
~St. Francis de Sales
Sometimes as humans we have a funny way of viewing and defining strength. It’s not always measured in how much weight you can lift, or in how long you can navigate the difficult times without shedding tears. Strength is so much more than that. It’s knowing when to reach out for help, when to allow yourself to hurt, and how to put your own wants and needs second when making life’s most difficult decisions. And in those areas, you both excel far beyond words.
There are no words that will help ease your pain or to help you navigate through what is undoubtedly the most difficult time in your lives. But know that you are teaching Stella more about life and love in her short time on earth than many people get to learn in a lifetime. And through her, you are teaching the rest of us as well… and because of that, Stella will live on in others.
Kathy:
Aug 20, 2011 at 08:18 AM
Our daughter has a progressive terminal form of Mitochondrial Disease. She is 2.5 years old. Yesterday, we had to call 911 after she became unresponsive from a 30 minute long seizure. Our world stopped in that moment. And you know what...through the worry and the shock granpa showed up to save the day. Your message meant a lot to me. Thank you for the reminder that though we are grieving and scared and sad...they are too...yet they are the ones that put on a brave face for us. I love your message. I love your honesty. Good luck in Sesame Street Land!
Amy:
Aug 19, 2011 at 02:41 PM
This made me cry. Just thinking about how happy Stella must be!!! Especially knowing how much I love my own grandma and how much she does for me, even just today she's buying me som groceries that i need ti make it to the end of the month. You are all so lucky.
For your family, for your friends, for Stella, for this very special time with her, where you will build glorious, sticky, ice cream and laughter filled moments to last a life time. We're praying God will make this last as long as possible. and we're always praying for you!!!
http://www.facebook.com/groups/180410328688949/
Jennifer:
Aug 19, 2011 at 11:55 AM
Aimee,
My husband, Greg works, with your dad, John. I have not had the pleasure of meeting him, but Greg holds him in very high esteem. Our hearts break for you, Michelle and Stella. Greg and I have been following your blog and I know that sometimes Greg is a support for your Dad when he is on the job. He is truly a pillar of strength, as it sounds like all your parents are. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family-even though I don't know you, Stella, or Mishi, you are never far from my thoughts.
lisa Depaola:
Aug 19, 2011 at 11:43 AM
You truly are a special Grandma..Aunts are special too...reading this reminded me of how I drove around one night at 11 30...looking for TIM HORTON Chocolate chip cookies..NO not any brand mattered...they had to be from TIMS..after driving to about 6 of them...I wound one that had one dozen left...I BOUGHT THEM ALL..ALways thinking of your hero...Do whatever it takes to makes Stella smile..and bring Joy to her life...Sesame ville will be great...I am thinking you are going to Pennsylvania...ELMO will capture her heart as will all the other Characterts.
Yes at times like these family means everything.
WIth love and hope in my heart that you get to hug and have many many icecream breakfasts.
Lisa
Angel Johnnys Aunt.
Stephanie Amaral:
Aug 19, 2011 at 10:22 AM
Grandparents really do have so much strength and they are always there to help us and our children get through anything. Stella is blessed to have such wonderful grandparents who love and care for her so much each and everyday. Stella's grandparents are also blessed to have such a wonderful grand daughter who loves them and loves to spend every minute with them. Xoxoxo
Ann, Michelle & Éamon:
Aug 19, 2011 at 09:17 AM
Okay, I have really got to stop reading these posts at work (major crying). This one really tugged at my heartstrings.. We love you all so much. Yesterday, I texted Mishi to say that Éamon was saying something over and over until I finally understood he was saying "I want Stella, I want Stella, I want Stella." She's such a special little girl - such a ball of light and energy, which is evident since even strangers are completely taken with her.
Hope to see you again soon,
Ann
Lisa Burt:
Aug 19, 2011 at 07:46 AM
Ohhhh man Aimee, grandparents are the BEST, Thank goodness for our parents. This is a great website for all your family and friends to express, and lift off their shoulders whatever they need to. Everydsy I am thinkong of you and Mishi and your little ball of JOY.
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