Stella Joy

HEARTACHE

They call it heartache because your heart really does hurt.  I’ve found it so interesting that grief and mourning is such a physical process.  Of course your mind is constantly churning out messages to you, but it’s my body that often gives up at the end of the day.  My brain throbs from working so hard to not think about Stella every second as I go through the motions of life.  My heart aches from missing her so much.  My throat hurts from swallowing tears and pain hour after hour.  My shoulders and neck burn from carrying all the stress around.  My arms and legs seize from the sheer effort of forcing them to keep mechanically moving when I just want to curl into a ball and disappear.

I hurt all the time.  Sometimes it’s intense and overwhelming pain, but most often it’s just a dull ache that niggles at me… Read more

Ray of Light

Mother’s Day is not a holiday full of sappy cards, brunches at a restaurant or potted plants in our house.  It’s a day of reflection, of memories and going through the motions of a holi… Read more

Living Life Online

Recently another DIPG child, whose blog I had followed on and off, died.  Her name is Miette and she lived in Australia with her family.  While searching for something on her, I stumbled upon a You Tube video called “Miette Leav… Read more

Happy Birthday Big Girl!

My firstborn and the love of my life turned four last Thursday. As I sit on our beloved couch and write this, an oversized helium balloon hovers over my shoulder. It has a big, yellow star on it and an even bigger picture of everyone’s favourite mouse – Chuck E… Read more

Sunday One Day

Last Sunday morning Aimee, Heather, Daniel and I got our three boys Baptized.  It was a fun and happy occasion.  We invited our families to come, named our best friends as Godparents and got the kids dressed up in cute matching white shi… Read more